After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
