All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish my penis had a tongue
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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