i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
