Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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