what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
