In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
