WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
