I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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