You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
