You made me cry and you don't even care
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When did angry sex become our thing?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
