We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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