I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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