but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
