hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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