Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
