Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts