dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
