Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
