Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips