Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
