I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.