Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you

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(205): Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you http://tfl.nu/nk9c

Replies (16) Good night (898) Bad night (904)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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(608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0

Replies (18) Good night (1131) Bad night (2510)
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(325): View more from Texas

I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka

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(325): I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka http://tfl.nu/q9is

Replies (23) Good night (6723) Bad night (814)
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(912): View more from Georgia

you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

(919): View more from North Carolina

That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

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(912): you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet. (919): That explains the puddle of pee in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tfvg

Replies (7) Good night (1121) Bad night (5221)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Her vagina smelled like chicken

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

why do you say that

(605): View more from South Dakota

chicken smells like everything

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(605): Her vagina smelled like chicken (1-605): why do you say that (605): chicken smells like everything http://tfl.nu/rfgv

Replies (43) Good night (817) Bad night (3605)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

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(402): Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR. http://tfl.nu/vjij

Replies (25) Good night (7285) Bad night (827)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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(540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh

Replies (16) Good night (10844) Bad night (1018)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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(860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66

Replies (16) Good night (1378) Bad night (5822)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.

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(410): Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE. http://tfl.nu/kxu1

Replies (7) Good night (3414) Bad night (1737)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.

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(918): He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it. http://tfl.nu/hmj1

Replies (6) Good night (621) Bad night (1911)
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(619): View more from California

you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

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(619): you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list. http://tfl.nu/xg4q

Replies (24) Good night (1887) Bad night (564)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.

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(202): Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay. http://tfl.nu/iy0k

Replies (10) Good night (558) Bad night (1896)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?

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(412): Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf? http://tfl.nu/41qm

Replies (15) Good night (873) Bad night (577)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella

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(901): The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella http://tfl.nu/24ug

Replies (4) Good night (1052) Bad night (386)
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(905): View more from Ontario

He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs

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(905): He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs http://tfl.nu/gppx

Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (229)

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