yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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