yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
