think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him