So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
