im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
