i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
