God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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