Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
