I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
