Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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