I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
