i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
