His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
