Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
