I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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