yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
