he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
