What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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