she woke up with a sticky ear
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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