Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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