i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My bed smells like the plague
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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