sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
