At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize