i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
