It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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