Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
