Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
