she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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