Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All the doctor said was why
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
