I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
