Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
