hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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