Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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