I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
