they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
