I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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