They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
