Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
