One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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