I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He better not be in your backpack
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
