Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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