Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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