Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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