if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
