Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
