turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My pussy is not your playground.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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