there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
