I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
