is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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