There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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