Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
