So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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