I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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