You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
