Christians are straight up FREAKS
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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