im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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