She said her name was "party"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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